Minutes from the Inaugural Assembly

Meeting convened at 10 am. EH and CA first to arrive. Diesel smell noted outside City Spa. EH's broom negotiations go poorly, but no buyer's remorse noted.

CB second to arrive, purchases hat, very glad about it. Issued membership card.

First heat taken by CA, EH and CB.

TN and JS arrive next. A tour is given, the facilities are deemed acceptable.

Heats taken by CA, EH, JS, TN and and CB. EH makes first use of broom.

DN arrives wearing backpack. Given unofficial tour in said backpack.

First heats wrap up around 12, sun deck caucus convenes. Pita and hummous served.

At the caucus, debate begins about how LASA can open a heat establishment of its own. A build-out deemed impossible. The idea of acquiring one of the Korean baths is entered and seconded. CB worries about the implications of not having a Korean partner, claims to know the perfect Korean partner, becomes consumed with the particulars of the anticipated negotiations.

Second rounds of heat begin around 12:30.

TN begins to press the Bear for a plaitza, finally gets on some sort of list and is deemed "next."

CB begs off to fulfill moving duties.

JS declares the steam room his favorite for its curative abilities where his bronchial passages are concerned. In said steam room, DN volunteers to head up the Apparel Committee, whose first order of business is to commission a patch that can be sown on an existing or new sauna hat.

DN deems the Finnish sauna best suited to his needs, considers building one. The fate of Drinksies is considered. Though pressed, DN is not planning on removing any of the Tickle-Me-Elmos or the Walk-a-Baby bouncers from Drinksies anytime soon. EH is most enraged.

TN still waiting for plaitza.

12:45, luncheon convenes on the sun deck. Beet and Farro salad and Stone Pale Ales are served. Discussion includes growth (CB's member prospects must be heavily screened, no-show charter members to be reconsidered, TN's brother approved for membership; overall philosophy, grow smart, not fast). DN lucks into commissary services by CB's absence, but is unable to open his corked Lambic.

Rain pushes the luncheon inside, and TN and DN find excuse from the assembly (TN never gets his plaitza.)

JS turns the talk toward laundromat ownership, claims to read blogs on the subject, claims 50K annual profits can be made, that a 200K investment is needed, that you pay a man $900 a month to kep out the riff-raff. More ins and outs considered.

Third and last heats taken by JS, EH and CA.

LASA's Inaugural Assembly dismissed 2:30pm.

Attended

CA

EH

CB

JS

DN

TN

Absent with cause

AG

TH

Absent with belligerence

JJ

Los Angeles Saunamens Association - Inaugural Assembly

Today the Los Angeles Saunamens Association convenes for the first time at City Spa. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. This organization is what I've been working towards for many years, and it's finally taking shape. The group is solid, the heat will be perfect, and the day, though raining, couldn't be better!

Forty five minutes. Then, history.

Apolo Ohno - Saunamen?

Watching the 500 meter races last night and thought I heard an MBC broadcaster mumble something about Apolo Ohno and saunas. I kept asking Elizabeth, "Did he just say saunas? Did he?" And she said, "I don't know." And I said, "I think he just said something about Apolo Ohno and saunas!"

Why didn't I just rewind it?! I don't know. Maybe I'll search through and see if I can find it again. But that seems like a hassle. An internet search reveals only one clue on Runner's World's site - an interview where he claims a good idea came to him while running (and not in the sauna). Which proves that he uses saunas, but suggests he doesn't get the most out of them?

Too many questions. I need answers. Maybe an exclusive interview is in order...

Where Winter Olympians Sweat it Out

One would think that there would be a lot of talk about the sauna facilities at the Winter Olympics. There isn't. Their sweat culture is shrouded in mystery. Maybe it's better that way. As it goes for champions, it goes for us: this is a personal and sacred business.

But I know you demand answers, so I offer you this: The Rec Center at the site of the Olympic Village has refurbished their saunas. They are pictured on the vancouver.ca/parks website with the following appeal:

The Saunas have been redone as part of out renovation. Please come by and check them out.

Heritage: If You're Finnish, You Love a Good Loyly

The sauna as is most widely used and appreciated here in the States is taken from the Finns. You're familiar with the room lined in cedar and the central oven heating the stones, but they would prefer you get specific with it.

If you're Finnish (or heading that-a-way), you take your heat between 180-210, with the humidity at about 30-40%. This is higher than you think of for a "dry sauna," but the Finns are purists about the steam that comes off the rocks. They want it soft, and they have all manner of tricks in getting it thus. The type of rock is a factor, as is its heat. The quality of the water is considered. They have a name for the steam - loyly - which is derived for the word meaning "ghost" or "spirit." Remember that it's ghosts what you're sending up when you throw water on the rocks.

I'm cutting/pasting the Wikipedia entry for Finnish sauna, because I think it's something you should read and I don't trust you to follow a link.

Taking a sauna begins by sitting in the hot room, typically warmed to 80-110 degrees Celsius (170-230 degrees Fahrenheit), for some time. Water is thrown on the hot stones topping the kiuas, a special stove used to warm up the sauna. This produces steam, known as löyly, which increases the moisture and heat within the sauna. Occasionally one uses leafy, fragrant boughs ofsilver birch called vihta in West Finland and vasta in East Finland to gently beat oneself. This has a relaxing effect on the muscles and also helps in calming the effects of mosquito bites. When the heat begins to feel uncomfortable it is customary to jump into a lake, sea, or a swimming pool, or to have a shower. In the winter rolling in the snow or even swimming in a hole cut in the ice, an avanto, is sometimes used as a substitute. Then one usually sits down in the dressing room or the porch of the sauna to enjoy a sausage, along with beer or soft drinks. After cooling one goes back to the hot room and begins the cycle again. It varies by people how many times this cycle is repeated.^{[clarification needed]} Usually one takes at least two or three cycles, lasting between 30 minutes to two hours. In Finland's numerous summer cottages bathing might go on well into the night. This is especially true in the summer when there is virtually no darkness. For many Finns, the sauna is almost a sacred place. It is usually considered especially rude to swear in sauna, even in company that doesn't usually shy on swearing. Thorough washing will end the session of sauna. Conversation is relaxed and arguments and controversial topics are avoided. It is also rare to use titles or other honorifics in the sauna. In Finnish folklore, the sauna is the home of the sauna-elf, a spirit of the sauna (saunatonttu in Finnish).

Sometimes men and women go to the sauna together, sometimes not. For someone brought up in Finland, the rules are instinctive but they are difficult to put into words. Depending on the size, composition, relationships, and the age structure of the group three basic patterns can emerge: Everyone can go to the sauna at the same time, men and women may take sauna separately, or each family can go to sauna separately. Mixed saunas with non-family members are most common with younger adults, and are quite rare for older people or on more formal occasions. It is common for teenagers to stop going to sauna with their parents at some point; younger people, especially men, also favour hotter saunas than older.

In the sauna it is a faux pas to wear clothing in the hot room, although it is acceptable to sit on a small towel or pefletti, a disposable tissue designed to endure heat and humidity (it can be mandatory in a public sauna, such as at a public swimming pool). While cooling off it is common to wrap a towel around your body. Though mixed saunas are quite common, for a typical Finn the sauna is, with few exceptions, a non-sexual place. In Finland "sauna" means only a sauna, not a brothel, sex club, or such. In public saunas one also sees signs prohibiting the wearing of swimming suits in the hot room. In some indoor swimming pools chlorine is added to the water for hygiene reasons. If swimwear used in such water is brought to the hot room, the chlorine will vaporize and cause breathing problems for people with asthma or allergies. The oldest still active public sauna can be found in the Pispala district of Tampere. Rajaportin sauna began its operation 1906 and is currently owned by the City of Tampere. It is however run by the local Pispala Sauna Association (Finnish: Pispalan saunayhdistys ry.)^[3]

Foreign visitors to Finland often get invited into the sauna. This may even happen after business negotiations and other such events. On these occasions it may be acceptable to refuse, although it may not impress one's Finnish hosts. Such an invitation in a business setting may indicate that the negotiations have gone well and a joint business effort is anticipated. In private homes or summer residences the sauna is usually warmed to honour the guest and refusal may be more difficult. However, Finns will not typically be offended by declining the sauna.

A smoke sauna (savusauna) in Enonkoski.

A modern sauna.

The savusauna (smoke sauna) is a special type of sauna without a chimney. Wood is burned in a particularly large stove and the smoke fills the room. When the sauna is hot enough, the fire is allowed to die and the smoke is ventilated out. The residual heat of the stove is enough for the duration of the sauna. This represents the ancestral type of sauna, since chimneys are a later addition. Smoke saunas have experienced great revival in recent years since they are considered superior by the connoisseurs.^{[citation needed]} They are not, however, likely to replace all or even most of the regular saunas because more skill, effort and time (usually many hours) are needed for the heating process.

The sauna in Finland is such an old phenomenon that it is impossible to trace its roots. Bath houses were recorded in Europe during the same time period, but Finnish bathing habits were hardly documented until the 16th century.^{[citation needed]}Because of the years of habitation and variant rule by Russia and Sweden, it is possible that the sauna custom evolved from them. It was during the Reformation in Scandinavia that the popularity of saunas expanded to other countries because the European bath houses were being destroyed. Hundreds of years ago, when bathing was something to be done only rarely or never at all, Finns were cleaning themselves in saunas at least once a week. One reason the sauna culture has always flourished in Finland has been because of the versatility of the sauna. When people were moving the first thing they did was build a sauna. You could live in it, make food in the stove, take care of your personal hygiene and most importantly, give birth in an almost sterile environment. The sauna smoke contained tannic acid, an anti-bacterial polymer, which was the main reason saunas were the most sterile places. Another reason for its popularity is that in such a cold climate, the sauna allows people warmth for at least a short period of time. However, it is just as popular in the summer as in the winter.

The Health Department

I learned that "calling the health department" is really a euphemism for filling out an online complaint form. My complaint was "homosexual activity in a public place." See the full report below.

So far, all I've gotten is the auto-reply. When the human-reply comes in, you'll be updated.

Type of Incident: Other
Homosexual activity in a public place
Date of Incident: 01/10/2010
Location: Century Spa, 4120 W Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90019
Description of Incident: Saw men masturbating each other in various parts of this spa. Complained to manager by letter, got no response. Returned, found nothing is being done to curb this activity and so had to leave. If you search on Craigslist.com in "All Personals" for Century Spa, you'll find that men advertise for other men to meet them there for sex. I'm a paying customer who'd like to use the facilities without fear for my health.