A debate, open to all

Let's just say you were planning your fantasy backyard. You've got your gardens, you've got your patio spaces, you've got an area for sporting, an area for kids. And of course, you've got your sauna.

Life is good.

But let's just say you were in the planning stages. So you're thinking how do we do this with an eye towards both fun and savings? You turn to your old friend, the internet, and she presents you with this option:

The Barrel Sauna

Now, I myself have never stepped inside one of these, but I can see why they might be beneficial. No corners, less wasted space. But I can also see how they might be a bit cramped in there. Crouching around to get in and out, the possibility of whipping yourself with a leaf broom is minimal.

The sauna above boasts a 7' diameter, but most of the saunas I've found come in at 6' around. And while that's bigger than me, it doesn't look so impressive when this dude stands next to it.

But so affordable. And easily integrated with a wood-burning stove (essential). 

What does your gut say, dear friends? Have you been in a barrel sauna. Would you go in a barrel sauna?

Castor Oil as a topical?

Met a gentleman at Century on my last visit who said a doctor friend of his advised him to use castor oil topically in the radiant floor sauna. A small coating of oil all over his body and then a light heat. He said that it expels toxins, and there are visible results.

I've never heard of such a thing, but be sure that I'll try it and get back to you on it directly.

The New Century Spa

The Korean bath house is a great way to get a heat in Los Angeles. There are probably six or seven really great Korean spas with top-drawer facilities. The Koreans love their heat, and they know how to do it right.

Century Spa is one such. It's a huge complex, with a netted driving range out back, a full gym, a swimming pool and probably sixty rooms of other things that I've never seen. Until recently, their Men's Spa was good but not great. For $15, you got access to a pretty beat sauna (no rocks on the stove? wood falling off the walls?), a decent steam room, cold plunge, hot tub, and clay and marble radiant floor saunas. You also got a cruisey scene due to the poor layout. But there was some charm to the place. One of my favorite features was a trough of cold water with plastic bowls that you could dip in and dump on yourself. A trough! Weird!

Anyway, those days are over. For the past year or so, while we were inhaling mildew and mold in our heat, the owners of the Century Spa were hard at work on a huge remodel. It's been open about a month, and this weekend, I was able to give it a whirl. It's a whole new day at Century.

(Note: As of today, they don't have pictures of the new facilities on their site.)

The Locker Room -- A little smaller, but the locker size is still generous. They have this weird, Korean electric lock system, however, that flummoxed me both before and after my heat.

The Facilities -- The whole place feels much more modern, but with something of a twist. It feels like 2002 or so in there. Definitely newer, but not 2009 new. The place is definitely designed to wow the target audience -- Koreans. Maybe that's why something there feels dated. It's not that it's old or out of style. It's just a style I'm not used to. The size and scale of this facility doesn't really say "relax" to me, nor does the ubiquitous music or the a little-too-bright light, but all in all, it is something to behold. And that said, I was a huge fan of the limestone walls, the skylight and the sky-and-clouds painted ceiling.

To address the problem of cruisers overtaking their schvitz, they've given the whole place an open layout -- the saunas and steam have glass walls, the radiant floor saunas are in the main hall, and the whole spa can be viewed from the resting room on the second floor. So far, the tactic is working.

The Sauna -- Good and hot. New oven, glass wall, new cedar. All great. However, the door sticks open, which is a hassle, because people don't realize that it's open and heat rushes out. But the new oven kept it cooking in there. One weird thing was that the benches and floors were covered in towels. We couldn't figure out why this was. One gentlemen ventured that they were trying to preserve the wood? I don't know, but I didn't like it. I imagine, however, that this is temporary.

The Cold Sauna -- That's right! They have something called a cold sauna! I've never in all my days seen anything like it. It's this small glass room with an air conditioner at the top and plastic flap doors. There are two shower heads that dump cold water. That's it. It's basically a cold rinse spot, but they've decided to air condition it as well. Phenomenal.

The Steam Room -- The Koreans love a good steam above all else. This steam room is really great. It's easy to get cooking and comfortably seats 20 gentlemen. A glass wall lets you see some misty shapes moving around outside.

The Mist Room: This wasn't open when I visited, but it looked lovely and was intriguing. What is a mist room? I have no idea. But I like it.

Pools: The three pools that Century boasts are a half-level above these main facilities -- a nice design choice that allows for comfortable bench seating beneath. The cold plunge is small and clean, the hot tub is directly under the new skylight and is large and hot. But the best feature and new to Century is the tea bath, which is warm (not hot) and is filled with mugwart tea. A great place to recover after a circuit of heat.

The Clay and Marble Saunas: I love these rooms. They're both provide radiant heat from the floor and are quiet and dark. In the old Century, this used to be the hot spot for cruisers, but such is no longer the case, and thank god. There is no better place for a mid-circuit sweat than the clay sauna. As you lay on your towel on the floor, you won't get too hot, but you'll sweat slowly and get a really nice spot-heat on your back. It's truly fantastic.

Though the price has gone up to $20 to get in, it's worth every penny. The place has a whole new energy about it. People are not just happy to be there. They're happy to see a transformation gone right.

Shower Shoes

A lot of first timers to the schvitz want to know what to bring. "Do I need a swim suit? A towel?" The answer is no.

All you ever really need to bring to a bania is a pair of shower shoes.

I prefer the thong type flip flop (mine are actually white and branded by VeeV liquors) but any will do. Be aware that in some urban schivtizs, the popular Okabashi-style sandal may be recognized as a "prison slip," short for "prison slipper."

As you grow in your enjoyment of the sauna, so too will your list of equipment. Your out the door checklist may look something like this:

• Sauna hat
• Leaf-broom
• Bucket
• Robe
• Shower shoes
• Shaving kit
  
• Jojoba or Almond Oil
• Jazz cigarette

But the point is all you really need are the shoes.

Heat and Fellowship

I recently enjoyed a second trip to the Finnish Baths in Sherman Oaks. It's just too affordable, too historic and too nice of a heat to pass up. Sherman Oaks also happens to be the valley-town where I teach my ukulele class, so I'm out there anyway. How could I not budget an extra hour and a half for a stretch of heat?

On this second visit, I invited one of my ukulele students, Aaron Goffman. Now, ukulele folks are off-beat by nature. But not in a wacky "I need attention" sort of way. These are earnest men and women, lovers of music who have never before been able to play an instrument. They've chosen the humble ukulele because it's relatively easy. In group environments, they are warm and supportive. But it's like any elective adult education -- inherently weird.

Aaron Goffman is one of the most normal people in there. He works in the film industry in the props department, and is married to a lovely Colombian woman named Jeaneth. Aaron took private lessons from me for a while, but I never really got to know him too well on a personal level. We mostly just talked about ukulele, and sometimes, this is weird for me. I like ukulele. I've played for ten years now. But it's such a small part of my life that to have a whole world that gravitates around it doesn't always make sense. And as lovely as a human Aaron Goffman is, he's in a constellation that is bizarre to me.

I would imagine this plight is familiar to yoga teachers, blimp and hot-air balloon pilots, platform divers, successful podcasters, letterers of graphic novels, and Vespa owners. Summed up, subcultures are strange beasts.

So I was a little nervous to meet Goffman at the schvitz. Would there be some awkwardness? Would he be uncomfortable with the nudity involved? Would we find something to talk about?

I entered the men's and found Goffman in the showers, which I passed by on my way to stoke up the sauna (see review on Finnish Baths). Said hello and asked, "Everything okay? Are you comfortable?" He said, "I am." And the rest of the heat was great. We got in there and both opened right up, telling each other things the other had no idea about. I was surprised to learn that Goffman had been married for more than 20 years before he met Jeaneth, and at 48, was a grandfather. It was easy talking and great times between gentlemen.

And I say it's a testament to the culture of the sauna that this is the result. It's not like other subcultures where it's competitive and exclusionary. There can be no posturing with the heat. Instead, it encourages real camaraderie and compassion. It's why strangers are so easy to talk to in the heat. And if you're kind-of-friends with someone, like I was with Goffman, you take a heat together and find a million ways to be brothers.

So I say, find a schivtz, grab an acquaintance, and make a friend.

City Spa - The Best Heat in town

It’s hard to beat the experience at central Los Angeles’s CITY SPA. A two-story mecca of feeling good in the body, this place has it all and does it right. And yes, the heat is incredible.

Here's a not so quick run-down on what you need to know about the best schivtz in Los Angeles.

Parking: Street parking only, and it’s fairly easy to come by, provided it’s not a street cleaning day. But even then, a couple turns around the block ought to do the trick.

Entrance: If you’re short on bania amenities (cap, broom, robe), this is a great place to stock up before you take your heat. They’ve got good quality gear for the serious sweatsmen.

A gentleman will sign you out a key and assign you a locker. Friendly folks, these, and happy to answer any questions.

You’ll pay when you leave, but it’s $25 if you come before 1 pm and $35 thereafter. Memberships are available.

Be aware that Men’s days are Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday; Monday, Wednesday and Saturday are co-ed days and bathing suit required. Please forgive the fact that I’ve never visited on a co-ed day and can’t quite explain how it works. The women’s facilities are upstairs, and though much smaller than the men's, I've peeked in there and they are clean and comfortable.

Locker Room: The locker room feels more like what you might find at a country club that at a bania, a comparison that’s warmly welcomed. A nice plush carpet, wide benches situated in front of lockers large enough to easily hold a large gym bag and a messenger bag. (More on why you might need all these things in Suggestions.)

On my last visit, the towel, sheet and sandals was a serve-yourself operation, which was deeply appreciated. Sometimes you need an extra towel and you feel like a heel about it. Allowing gentlemen to take what’s needed shows a level of respect.

The Facilities: This is really where City Spa is unmatched. They have everything, it's all in pretty good shape, and natural light and fresh air abound.

The Rock Room here is without a doubt the hottest rock sauna I’ve ever been in. It has two massive, open ovens and it’s three walls of benches could easily seat thirty gentlemen. And because this bania is frequented heavily by Russians, they keep it dry as a bone. Early in my days, I made the mistake of bringing in a bucket of cold water to dump over my head as I’ve done in every other rock room I’d been in. The splash of water on the ground was met with a chorus of fiery Russian and it was made clear that the only water allowed in that room was the water used for a plaitza.

I happen to like the experience of rinsing off while still in the heat, and to me, that’s one of the reasons for having a rock room, but it’s been explained that drier equals hotter, and these dudes like it hot, so there you go.

Cold Plunge and Swimming Pool: The best reason not to complain about the absence of water in the rock room is due to it’s abundance in the rest of the facility. The cold plunge is right outside the rock room, and it’s both deep and cold. However, I, like many gentlemen here, forsake the cold plunge and go straight for the swimming pool, just a few feet away. The pool is about 50 feet long, maybe 20 wide. Not big enough to swim laps in (not that you’d want to) but certainly big enough to float around and get loose. It’s nice and cool, too, so you’re able to stay in quite a bit longer than you would in the cold plunge. The effects of this can be extremely heady, so exercise caution here.

The Wood Sauna: You’d think with as fantastic as the rock room is, they’d skimp somehow on the wood sauna. But you’d think wrong. It’s clean – old planks are replaced regularly – and it’s hot. Though not nearly as big as the rock room, this is a comfortable sized sauna. One of my favorite features of this sauna is it’s antechamber. This allows gentlemen who want just a good warm to hang out in comfort, and it also helps keep the sauna hotter by letting out less heat each time the door opens.

The Steam Room: This isn’t the kind of steam you find at the gym. It’s a gentle, warm steam. The guys here know that there’s no point in sweating in a steam heat. (In fact, most good sweatsmen find that notion kind of gross.) But it’s quiet and warm and alive with the smell of eucalyptus and an all around wonderful place to breath and relax after you’ve done a circuit of heat.

The Hot Tub: Not only is there a hot tub, but it’s located directly under a gigantic skylight and surrounded by potted plants and Corinthian columns. I know. It’s almost too good to be true.

Showers are located right in this facility, and offer the common trio of body product. There are wee little columns with shower heads and a mirror in front for shaving, and there are stone and tiled benches all throughout this main area.


So now you’ve had your heat and a steam and a rinse. Time to head upstairs to the sundeck to dry off as God intended: nude and in full sunshine. Retire to the shade and have a snack or write a review of the City Spa, as I am doing.

If you’re so inclined, you can lift some weights in the full gym they have up here (no elliptical machine, but Stairmasters and treadmills and lots lots of weights). Also on the second floor is the smoking room and the television room, both of which have never been in use whenever I’ve been here, and are good places to read, write, discreetly partake of a jazz cigarette, play cards or whathaveyou. There’s something called “The Bullshit Room” downstairs which is more or less the same thing.

There is a sleeping room upstairs, and it’s got three sort of daybed things. The light streams in gently from the windows and it’s quiet and peaceful. I’ve fallen asleep here by accident for a good spell.

The Café is the last thing to touch upon. It’s a nice feature, though eating in the café itself is kind of oppressive – but only in comparison to the peacefulness of the rest of the facility. I’ve had the borsht, and it was delicious. Beer is available.

Suggestions: Whenever I come to the City Spa, I’m going to make a day of it. Even at $25, it’s still a little pricey (and for me, a little far) for a quick heat, so I make sure I’m fully prepared with all my sauna accutremont as well as a book, my computer and a packed lunch.

I like to get in two good circuits, which go something like this:

• 5-10 minutes in the rock room (it’s hot, I tells ya)
• 5 in the swimming pool
• 15 recovery and watching the walls melt
• 15 in the sauna, or enough to allow a good, solid sweat
• 5 in the swimming pool
• 8 in recovery
• 10-20 in the steam room
• 3 in the hot tub
• Shower
• Respite

The café isn’t always open and apparently, not entirely in service (I've heard they're preparing food in some other kitchen and walking it over). I think it's easier to bring a sandwich and eat it on the rooftop in peace. They say you can’t bring in outside beers, and that’s a rule I respect, though I see it flaunted fairly regularly. After you eat, make sure you allow enough time to digest before your second circuit of heat.

It’s the best heat you can get in Los Angeles, unquestioned. Go, make a day of it, and enjoy.

5325 W Pico Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90019
(323) 933-5954

Avoiding Cruisers

So you want to get a good heat, but you're rattled from a run-in at the Y. Everything was going great: You had a finely beaded sweat happening, your heart-rate was up, and things were getting real. Then you look over and see the dude in the corner look away from you quickly, and also he's semi-erect.

How did this happen? And more importantly, what do you do?

Okay. This is unsavory business, but it must be dealt with, so let's get in to it. 

Allow me to start with a disclaimer. I welcome all gentlemen to the sauna (and will welcome women (my wife) as well (when I have my own sauna under the avocado tree out front)). The whole point of a good heat is the inclusiveness of it -- the brotherhood of man as he prepares for battle with these ancient, sacred methods. So I repeat: all gentlemen are welcome.

However, there are dudes who like to use the sauna as a research and even a business environment. This is a subculture within the homosexual community, it's been around for years, and in the proper environment, I say there's nothing wrong with it.

For those dudes who want the cruising experience, there are venues clearly dedicated to this kind of activity. A quick internet search for "Gay Bath house" will reveal the options in your area. On behalf of all gentlemen who just want to sweat in peace, please, avoid the legitimate bania or sauna and go to a designated location instead.

Alas, I know my plea will be ignored, and so to gentlemen who want to avoid cruisers in the schvitz, here's what you have to do.

PICK YOUR SPOTS: Dudes can be easily avoided by going to legit heat operations. These are easy to indetify.

Go where the Russians, Ukrainians and other eastern Europeans go. You can call and ask the desk -- they'll give you an idea of the clientele.

Go to spots that cost more that $20 to get in. Dudes are looking for a cheap thrill as opposed to a good heat, and a good heat is always worth the price.

Go on weekends and when crowds are high.

RESEARCH: This is crucial if you're going to a new sweat location, but can also allow you to return to places where you've had an unpleasant experience with a dude.

You'll need to bite the bullet and do a quick search on the Craigslist in your area. You're not going to like it, but you're going to have to go to Personals, Men Seeking Men, and do a search for "spa" "sauna" or whatever the name of your location is. If there's going to be "activity," you're probably going to know about it here first. Now you can choose to ignore the place altogether, or, you can check again and go on a day or at a time when activity is lower.

Again, this is also a good way to find an angle on returning to an otherwise spoiled spot.

Example: Here in Los Angeles, certain Korean spas were, for some reason, chosen by cruisers as a place to do business. It's unfortunate, because a favorite K-town spot of mine had a lovely and unusual amenity -- a radiant heat floor. You'd lie down and soak in a nice, gentle heat directly on the back -- perfect for spot treating problem areas after a good sweat in the sauna. But unfortunately, this was prime real estate for dudes who wanted to "present," and therefore it made it practically unusable. 

But the heat at this place is good, and that floor really does wonders for my back. So what I do is check Craigslist and if it looks like the place is going to be crowded with dudes, I skip it. But if I don't see any posts (or have checked enough to be savvy of the schedule), I go and find the place full only with Korean gentlemen, who are not too chatty and love a good steam heat.

(Note: the schivtz to which I'm referring has recently been remodeled, and on Craigslist I noted a post: Century Spa: RIP. Success!)

(Second note: If you're too squeamish to go on Craigslist in the Men Seeking Men category, then you're probably too squeamish to enjoy a good heat. Just relax, already. We're all gentlemen, here.)

DISSUADE: So, even with the best of research, you might find yourself facing a dude on the make. This is how you end it fast and final.

Leave -- This is the most obvious option, but also the one that I use the least. I paid for my heat, I'm following the rules, I'm in the right. It's not me that should have to go anywhere.

However, if it's just too uncomfortable, go rinse off and wait for the dude to get out of the heat. Your walking away should be enough to let him know that you're not interested in defiling the heat with the kind of behavior.

Speak up -- If you call these dudes out to their face, they'll get super embarrassed and leave quickly. I did this only once, when a guy with a wedding ring asked me "If I wanted to do this" as he was touching himself. I said, "NO. Jesus! Does your wife know you do this?" He flew out of that sauna.

That was more that I might have said if not directly engaged. But I've said simply, "No" to eye contact that's made me uncomfortable. That was enough to make a dude go away.

Wear a Sauna Hat -- If not for the myriad reasons listed in the previous post, a sauna cap is a clear sign to cruisers that you're not there for show. You're serious about the heat. It also implies that you're possibly Russian, and thus possibly very homophobic and capable of Russian-style violence. (Note: If any Russians care to argue that they are - by and large - accepting of people different from them, it's a debate I'd love to have in any bania.)

Make Talk -- A lot of times, it's hard to tell if a dude is checking you out. You're like, "This old dude sure is smiley at me." You don't exactly know what's going on, but you don't want it to get any creepier. Start a conversation. Talk about the heat. Talk about sports, the weather, anything. Control the situation and establish yourself as a gentlemen who uses the sauna in an acceptable way.

And there you have it. Remember that dudes are just misguided gentlemen and that they're trying to share what they consider to be a positive experience. It has nothing to do with you, and it's pretty easy to keep it that way.