Avoiding Cruisers

So you want to get a good heat, but you're rattled from a run-in at the Y. Everything was going great: You had a finely beaded sweat happening, your heart-rate was up, and things were getting real. Then you look over and see the dude in the corner look away from you quickly, and also he's semi-erect.

How did this happen? And more importantly, what do you do?

Okay. This is unsavory business, but it must be dealt with, so let's get in to it. 

Allow me to start with a disclaimer. I welcome all gentlemen to the sauna (and will welcome women (my wife) as well (when I have my own sauna under the avocado tree out front)). The whole point of a good heat is the inclusiveness of it -- the brotherhood of man as he prepares for battle with these ancient, sacred methods. So I repeat: all gentlemen are welcome.

However, there are dudes who like to use the sauna as a research and even a business environment. This is a subculture within the homosexual community, it's been around for years, and in the proper environment, I say there's nothing wrong with it.

For those dudes who want the cruising experience, there are venues clearly dedicated to this kind of activity. A quick internet search for "Gay Bath house" will reveal the options in your area. On behalf of all gentlemen who just want to sweat in peace, please, avoid the legitimate bania or sauna and go to a designated location instead.

Alas, I know my plea will be ignored, and so to gentlemen who want to avoid cruisers in the schvitz, here's what you have to do.

PICK YOUR SPOTS: Dudes can be easily avoided by going to legit heat operations. These are easy to indetify.

Go where the Russians, Ukrainians and other eastern Europeans go. You can call and ask the desk -- they'll give you an idea of the clientele.

Go to spots that cost more that $20 to get in. Dudes are looking for a cheap thrill as opposed to a good heat, and a good heat is always worth the price.

Go on weekends and when crowds are high.

RESEARCH: This is crucial if you're going to a new sweat location, but can also allow you to return to places where you've had an unpleasant experience with a dude.

You'll need to bite the bullet and do a quick search on the Craigslist in your area. You're not going to like it, but you're going to have to go to Personals, Men Seeking Men, and do a search for "spa" "sauna" or whatever the name of your location is. If there's going to be "activity," you're probably going to know about it here first. Now you can choose to ignore the place altogether, or, you can check again and go on a day or at a time when activity is lower.

Again, this is also a good way to find an angle on returning to an otherwise spoiled spot.

Example: Here in Los Angeles, certain Korean spas were, for some reason, chosen by cruisers as a place to do business. It's unfortunate, because a favorite K-town spot of mine had a lovely and unusual amenity -- a radiant heat floor. You'd lie down and soak in a nice, gentle heat directly on the back -- perfect for spot treating problem areas after a good sweat in the sauna. But unfortunately, this was prime real estate for dudes who wanted to "present," and therefore it made it practically unusable. 

But the heat at this place is good, and that floor really does wonders for my back. So what I do is check Craigslist and if it looks like the place is going to be crowded with dudes, I skip it. But if I don't see any posts (or have checked enough to be savvy of the schedule), I go and find the place full only with Korean gentlemen, who are not too chatty and love a good steam heat.

(Note: the schivtz to which I'm referring has recently been remodeled, and on Craigslist I noted a post: Century Spa: RIP. Success!)

(Second note: If you're too squeamish to go on Craigslist in the Men Seeking Men category, then you're probably too squeamish to enjoy a good heat. Just relax, already. We're all gentlemen, here.)

DISSUADE: So, even with the best of research, you might find yourself facing a dude on the make. This is how you end it fast and final.

Leave -- This is the most obvious option, but also the one that I use the least. I paid for my heat, I'm following the rules, I'm in the right. It's not me that should have to go anywhere.

However, if it's just too uncomfortable, go rinse off and wait for the dude to get out of the heat. Your walking away should be enough to let him know that you're not interested in defiling the heat with the kind of behavior.

Speak up -- If you call these dudes out to their face, they'll get super embarrassed and leave quickly. I did this only once, when a guy with a wedding ring asked me "If I wanted to do this" as he was touching himself. I said, "NO. Jesus! Does your wife know you do this?" He flew out of that sauna.

That was more that I might have said if not directly engaged. But I've said simply, "No" to eye contact that's made me uncomfortable. That was enough to make a dude go away.

Wear a Sauna Hat -- If not for the myriad reasons listed in the previous post, a sauna cap is a clear sign to cruisers that you're not there for show. You're serious about the heat. It also implies that you're possibly Russian, and thus possibly very homophobic and capable of Russian-style violence. (Note: If any Russians care to argue that they are - by and large - accepting of people different from them, it's a debate I'd love to have in any bania.)

Make Talk -- A lot of times, it's hard to tell if a dude is checking you out. You're like, "This old dude sure is smiley at me." You don't exactly know what's going on, but you don't want it to get any creepier. Start a conversation. Talk about the heat. Talk about sports, the weather, anything. Control the situation and establish yourself as a gentlemen who uses the sauna in an acceptable way.

And there you have it. Remember that dudes are just misguided gentlemen and that they're trying to share what they consider to be a positive experience. It has nothing to do with you, and it's pretty easy to keep it that way.