Saturday, October 30, 2010

Minutes from the Awaited 6th Congress

Delayed for months, the 6th Congress was finally convened, and it proved to be one of intimidating innovation and all-around freshness.

9:05 EH and CA arrive, enjoying the euphoric effects of the Chalet Harvest, and take a first heat. In the first swim races, EH wins the half lap crawl by a hair. EH proposes a parallel blog to GOOD HEAT called "GOOD TEMPS" or "G TMPS" which is meant to cater to the Twitter/Facebook crowd. The motion passes.

9:15 TN and Initiate Jason arrive and to CA and EH's great surprise (email confusion). A true congress is convened.

9:50 CA prepares for a plaitza to be given by TN and both are given incredible instruction by the Russians. It started with a tall, 50ish patron and then advanced to Sergei, aka, the Bear, chiming in and demonstrating whacks. It's the first real inside information the group has ever received. This is breakthrough territory.

The Russian way to give a plaitza

You need the mat, and the mat needs two sheets. Why two? So you don't miss the feat. Then, right before you lay down, you sprinkle cold water on the sheets. Heaven.

You also need a half bucket of cold water. Also (and we knew this, but it bears mentioning) gloves and a hat. The plaitzee also gets a cold towel over his head.

Then, prime the ovens. As Sergei told TN, "You can't move heat that's not there."

During the plaitza, be sure to turn the broom over frequently to keep it from a) getting too hot and b) drying out.

Then, there are all sorts of moves to do, but the basic is to put the heat into the body and then go up and down just over the skin and move the heat there. There's also the resting of the broom on various parts of the body, there's the light massage, the light touch, the cold water sprinkle, the double barrel, the big beat down, etc.

10 EH wins the second race, the breast stroke lap, by a hand. CA and EH abide in the Nordic sauna, while TN and IJ get some steam and some more big heats.

11 After some more circuitry, TN preps for his plaitza to be given by CA. There are no Russians present to give notes.

1130 Rooftop congress is convened. TN and IJ come through with a cooler full of incredible jugs of cold beer and some fennel slaw, while CA brings half sandos to the table. Debate ranges around VBN offerings, including the Harrison Morris show Pharmacopia, the events of All Hallow's Eve, last evening's alcohol consumption and EH's support of "Everyday Drinking" by Kingsley Amis, CA's prison story (as told by TN), and IJ's deeply unfortunate fear of public waters. This leads to talk of hot tubs, and IJ proposed a notion of Hot Tubsmen. EH took a wrench out his kit bag, gave it and turn, and we were given"Hot Springsmen," a notion considered tempting by all. There is talk about the weakness of the club membership and how that is standing in the way of potential greatness. There is weariness in the voices of CA and EH, but TN is is a bouying presence, and his energy is considered critical to the club.

1250 EH notices a distinct lack of interest by the Russians in college football. After turning the channel to check a score, a half hour later the station would be returned to a Russian soap opera.

1 The final circuits are taken and TN and CA realize that they made a great faux pas in not cleaning up after their respective plaitzas. It's a mistake they'll only make once.

115 The final swim race is judged by IJ. It's meant to be a middle distance race at two and a half laps of breast stroke, but it ends up being a longer spring. EH wins by a forearm.

130 TN shows up in the Nordic sauna wearing a sharp looking suit of clothes. He's there to say goodbye, but quite unintentionally, he winds up making a strong case for the dinner jacket.

2 Congress is adjourned.

ATTENDED

CA
EH
TN + Initiate Jason

ABSENT with reason, but really boring reasons

JS
CB

ABSENT with real questions now being raised about any legitimacy of their intentions and one missed congress away from ending up in the following category.

DN
JN
AG

PERMANENTLY EXPELLED FROM CLUB ROSTER (official letter pending)
Tom Hamling

No comments:

Post a Comment