Minutes from the LASA 4th Congress: Founder's Day

LASA 4th Congress, May 29, 2010

9:45 - CB phones EH to beg off the congress for sickness. CA and EH agree that CB has made a terrible mistake, and that without the assistance of the heat, his piss-pot immune system will keep that head cold rattling around for two weeks. A terrible mistake, but one that leads to a Founder's Day congress, which is concluded to be a good thing.

10:05 - First heat taken, and the heat is blistering. No thermometer in the hot room, but heat must be at least 230, likely higher.

10:15 - First (and only) swim race conducted, a 1-length breast stroke, in which CA does better than he usually does but still loses.

10:50 - After completion of a full circuit, CA and EH return to the hot room for the first ever LASA plaitza. Two brooms, two buddies, two-hundred and thirty degrees of heat. CA dons EH's hat and gets to work. The plaitza, by Russian standards, is short, but gets to the point. EH pools off and heads up for his massage. The Russians, now in attendance, all comment that the hot room is hot as shit. Which means it might be closer to 240. Imagine that. 2 fucking 40.

11 - EH takes his massage.

11 - CA talks with smallest, swarthy-est Russian and gets a line on brooms. A promise is made of a New York phone number.

11:05 - After pooling off, CA literally hallucinates from the heat. The walls move with the waves in the pool. Things seem connected and good.

11:25 - CA discovers the roof deck has been recarpeted successfully.

11:55 - EH emerges from the massage rooms revitalized and hits the hot rooms. CA takes his massage.

12:20 - EH takes a a long, nude sunbath, rejoicing in the absence of cyclists present to scrutinize his ball bag.

12:40 - EH witnesses 10 year old Russian boy peeling and eating an orange in the hot room.

1 - CA emerges from his massage to find EH completing an epic circuit. Both men have been reborn. They convene on the roof deck for lunch.

1:10 - Founder's Day Rooftop Banquet

Served: couscous, pea, asparagus salad, chips and salsa, beer.

The merits of Mae's massage technique are reviewed. It's agreed that her firm, deep tissue technique in concert with her easy-going and guileless approach is well worth the money and time.

DN is again lambasted for his "Bartmen O'Leary: Revengefest" shirt, and not being there to defend himself, it's agreed that the design is confusing at best.

Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" is discussed and nominated for a Pro's Only Book Club. The nomination is passed.

The Russian contingency is envied for their consistent numbers (9-12) and their multigenerational approach. The small, swarthy one takes a picture of the oldest, brownest Russian sunbathing nude but for a wide straw hat.

JS's cryptic reasons for absence are discussed hesitantly.

1:50 - CA's time gets unfortunately budgeted, and a final steam is taken. DN is again maligned, this time for dropping the ball on getting LASA patches.

2:15 - Founder's Day congress recessed, and with great joy it's discovered that paying for an hour massage reduces the entry fee to $10.

Attended

CA

EH

Absent with excuse

AG

TN

JN

Absent on bullshit

DN

CB

Absent on weirdness

JS